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The current period marks a full decade since the phrase “ghosting” hit the common lexicon. Back then, the concept that someone could instantly end contact with a partner without any notice seemed like the pinnacle of indignity. How naive we were. In the ten-year span since, finding a significant other has only become more confounding – an oftentimes pointless pursuit in awkwardness that is increasingly defined by online jargon.

Zoomers, a generation who grew up during a loneliness epidemic, a male identity crisis, and a concerted assault on the rights of women and the queer community, faces a significantly more chaotic terrain than their Gen Y predecessors could ever envision. And so their romantic lexicon has grown longer and more unhinged, with terms like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” straining the boundaries of your sanity.

Below is a extensive guide to the terms gen Z is using to talk about love, intimacy and the pursuit of both. To paraphrase one of the recent most enduring memes, by the end of this guide you’ll ache to get back to simpler times – because wherever that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Realness – In the view of Zoomers, dating’s gold standard is presenting as your true, unfiltered self. Best wishes with that!

B

Bird theory – A online phenomenon connected to a methodology developed by relationship scientists, in which you point out something minor – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and pay attention to whether your partner’s response is interested or brushed off. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Independent partner – Gen Z’s response to the “quirky fantasy girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while oozing mystery and self-sufficiency. (She might still have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Seat theory – This signifies choosing someone who aids you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would get a seat for you to sit down.

Choremance – A date where two people form a link while doing chores, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how broke young adults do low-cost dating in a inflation-era world.

Crashing out – Losing it when you feel swamped by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or breakup, dumping all of your (unrequited) emotions.

The Letter D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a symbol of 1980s yuppie affluence, it describes couples who forgo parenthood to focus on their own happiness. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

E

Vulnerable signaling – The antithesis of playing it cool: utilizing dialogue, transparency and openness.

The Letter F

Indicators

• Red flags – Behavioral traits signaling a prospective partner is bad news. Examples include calling their former partners unstable, poor gratuity habits, a fondness for Woody Allen films, a new DJ career …
• Green flags – These quirks confirm your choice to date a mate. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal screen time, owning a proper bed …
• Neutral quirks – These usually describe specific, mostly harmless idiosyncrasies. Examples include being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still keeping a pen in their bag, paying the rent in physical money …

Niche bonding – When you find someone who’s just as enthusiastic about documentaries about the WWII or DVD collecting or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who despises the same things or individuals that you do (few things builds closeness faster than having a common enemy).

G

The band Geese – A musical group a typical Zoomer guy likes.

Zombie-ing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a length of disappearing.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and devoted. The rare partner who is liked by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's counterpart.

Gooners – A primarily online subculture of men so preoccupied with self-pleasure that they attempt marathon sessions, intentionally postponing orgasm so they can go on as long as possible.

The Letter H

Heterofatalism – A trend describing many women’s increasing pessimism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

High-value woman – An archetype promoted by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and happily home-oriented, who apparently has no aspirations of her own other than pleasing her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Icks – Random and often mundane dealbreakers that instantly extinguish any sense of attraction.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to remember after you watch someone else receive an incredibly thoughtful display.

J

Jobs – These have not been this important in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ultimate partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd prefer partners in sectors they see as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: nurses, teachers or counselors.

K

Kissing – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has been around for 16 million years. But the days of kissing may be numbered since some Zoomers prefer fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen romance believable.

Light catfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {